WEDDING DRESS - 1.2.07

The ‘troupe’ stand on stage. They are all wearing wedding dresses facing the audience - confident, happy.

IRENE
I have no plans to get married. Yet I wear a wedding dress. I wear this wedding dress, all day, every day. I wear my wedding dress... everywhere...

JANET
I wear a wedding dress...

BRUCE
Hey, I wear a wedding dress.

ERNIE
As do I...

STEPHEN
Me too.

IRENE
I’m still wearing mine.
They look at each other and back to the audience.

ALL
We wear our wedding dresses all around.

JANET
It can get tricky on a first date.

All agree.

JANET (CONT'D)
I’m not getting married. But I admit it is something on my mind. So I wear my dress. Just in case it somehow, you know, happens. I’m prepared. Like if you go hiking you wear special shoes...
(weakly)
Don’t you?

No one knows.

STEPHEN
I wear a wedding dress because it’s easier to get a cab. And service tends to be better. I mean you rush into a delicatessen wearing a wedding dress, they’re going to serve you first.

BRUCE
I wear a wedding dress to punish society. To hold up a mirror and say, “Looky society are you proud of what you’ve created society?” Didn’t think so...

JANET
They won’t give you a traffic ticket if you’re wearing a wedding dress.

IRENE
I wear a wedding dress because it’s really pretty, and I spent a lot of money on it. But more importantly, to remind myself “it’s my day.” Everyday.

BRUCE
And my pumpkin costume didn’t punish society enough. Society, as usual, didn’t get it.

We all make the universal “over the head” gesture.

ERNIE
I wear it as a reminder of my virginal vows. My virginal vows I have broken many times, starting in a teenager where a Dungeons and Dragons tournament turned ‘touchy’.

BRUCE
I wear my dress to work at Kinko’s. They can’t fire me for wearing a wedding dress at Kinko’s. I checked. That’s why I work there. That and the free paper I will get for my wedding invitations.
(beat)
I have a confession. I will NOT get the paper for free. I will steal it. Do you have any idea how much paper you can steal and hide under a wedding dress? I do...

STEPHEN
I wore it last year to my sister’s wedding. I tried to explain to her that I was wearing it as a ‘tribute.’ She didn’t listen. But, how can someone REALLY listen when they are yelling? She was yelling because, secretly, she knows I look better than she did - and I’m a man.

ERNIE
I wear a wedding dress for my best friend. She’s not much to look at, and her personality is even worse. She’s bi-polar. Although bi-polar would imply she has ‘up’ moods. She is this type “How are you? ...uh tired...” She’s no one’s first choice. The only aisle she’ll ever walk down will be that of a K-Mart.

JANET
But please understand we don’t just wear them for ourselves...

ALL
We wear our wedding dresses for those who can’t...

STEPHEN
The farmer loosing his land...

IRENE
For the woman sitting alone in a restaurant, reading FountainHead-

ALL
-Again-

IRENE
-Ordering wine by the glass.

ALL
-Again-

IRENE
She’s wondering, “Why can’t I order wine by the half-glass?”

BRUCE
For the guy that loves the girl but he’ll never have her. The closest he’ll get is the feel of her mattress on his face, as he helps her move.

JANET
I wear a wedding dress for the single soccer mom, who’s so busy she only eats at drive-thru’s. And hasn’t been out of her mini-van in THREE YEARS!

BRUCE
We wear them as a symbol that gay marriage should be legal!

They all take one step forward.

BRUCE (CONT'D)
We wear them in hopes that one day we will witness the first gay jumbo Tron proposal! “Marry me...Rick!?”

STEPHEN
We wear a wedding dress for no other reason than “we want to.”

ERNIE
We wear our dresses because in this act of nonconformity we are connected to the spirt of punk, beat poetry and be-bob.

JANET
As a sign of the promises we make to ourselves and each other.

IRENE
As a reminder that we are our own families...we create our own families.

STEPHEN
What is a family? Not a “mommy and a daddy.” We all know how THAT worked out.

IRENE
We are our own families...

STEPHEN
A family can be whatever we want - A widower who cooks for you - and you cut his hair. Nothing more...

JANET
A family can be - A parrot and a vibrator...

ERNIE
...Or all the punks, beat-poets and bebops...

IRENE
...being part of a close knit, phone-sex community...

BRUCE
...How ‘bout every record Johnnie Cash ever recorded? That’s a family...

All agree.

IRENE
See...We don’t wear our wedding dresses for us...
They take another step forward.

ALL
We wear our wedding dresses for you...

End.